I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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