oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
