never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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