out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i will never coherently bang her
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
