another moral hangover. fuck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
