Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize