I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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