I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
