We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
