I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
