So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
