I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
