This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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