I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
