I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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