my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
