You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
