So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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