i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
