when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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