she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
