Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
