ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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