I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
