I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
