The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
