she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
