Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
