i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
