wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
