Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
