you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
