i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
