don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
