well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize