Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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