Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
