Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
