I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
