This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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