my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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