I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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