The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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