From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
