A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
