On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
