There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
