Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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