you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
high people should be assigned attendants
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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