oh god the rape fog is back!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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