Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
