The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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