It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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