I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
