how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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