worst night to have a conscience
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
