So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
