i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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