Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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