Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
