Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
