I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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