True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
