he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
