I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
