maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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