There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize