Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
