Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
