It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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