dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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