If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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