I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
