I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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